Romans 6:16

“Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭6:16 ESV

A while before coming here I was in a situation where I was choosing to be obedient to my flesh and not Christ, I was falling into a bondage that I didn't know how to escape. I thought that since I was walking a walk that seemed to be of Christ, that in this situation I wasn't sinning. If I had these feelings that I had, then how could I be sinning? At first I didn't really think there was a choice, these feelings I had were so strong and felt so real that I thought they had to be of good nature. Eventually though, these feelings I had would start consuming my life. Whenever I was in a scenario that put me in a situation where I could feel these feelings, they would be all I could think about. Sure I could talk with people and I still cared about what people were saying and doing, but in the back of my mind, and a lot of times at the front of my mind, these feelings would be just nagging at me, eventually making it to where I couldn't think about anything else except for the feelings that I had, and I just wanted to act on them. Even if I wasn't acting on those feelings though, they would just continue to nag and nag and nag, and it became so difficult to break away from them. It got to the point where these feelings would be with me no matter where I went, from the time I woke up until I went to bed. I would ponder and explore them constantly throughout the day, thinking how and when I would give in to them. At the time I didn't know it, but I was already a slave to my flesh, and it seemed like there was no way I’d ever be able to escape these feelings. As I said before they were so strong and so real, so how could I ever change my feelings? How could I make myself feel something else? By this point I had been taking this to God for a while and eventually it got to the point where I would just break down to him, begging him to take these feelings away from me. I was tired of them having control over my life and effecting those that I cared about most.  And then he spoke to me, “If you are trying to fight off these feelings that are so powerful, then why are you trying to go about this in your own strength? Why don't you start relying on me to help you?” And then I realized something horribly convicting. By choosing to not rely on his strength to overcome these feelings, I was choosing to ignore him and remain a slave to my sin. See I always had a choice. It was either choose to live in Christ and have the strength to overcome these fleshly things, or fail to call out to him everyday and remain a slave to my sin. So I finally understood, there was always a choice. During my time here I've been lacking in faith and allowing fleshly thoughts at times to consume my mind. At times I get so scared and worried about my future after Ignite that I can't focus on the tasks at hand, and I forget the things that the Lord has already promised me. So every morning I'm going to ask the Lord for his strength so that I can overcome these consuming thoughts because I'm here to serve the Lord. And because no matter how I may feel throughout my time here I know I can rely on the truths that God has already shown me in life, and I know that nothing that I feel now can take those truths away from me. Micah will hold me accountable.

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